When my husband is out I do THIS

No, I don't fire up a porno - I watch scary movies. Horrors, chillers, slashers - call them what you want, but they're all welcome friends on a dark and lonely Saturday night. My husband hates them - too scary apparently. I used to be able to trick him into watching flicks I pretended were merely thrillers (when they were really so much more), but he's since cottoned on and so now I must indulge my love of scary viewing when he's not around.

It's not all bad though and sometimes I prefer it. Being solo when watching seriously scary movies (other than the sleeping children and cat on my lap), can amp up the fear factor big time. Especially when the movie has small kids in it or someone infiltrating the family home - bonus chills!

Actually, before I was married, I often used to go to the cinema at night by myself to see the latest horror flick. This was deliberate so I could make the experience even more frightening. What a rush! Ah, those were the days.

Last week, I watched a new frightener called Dark Skies. In a bizarre twist the hubby was actually with me (I swear I didn't know it was that scary!). Even so, it made me remember why I shouldn't watch movies about aliens - and I ain't talking about no Men in Black. This film was scary enough to make me double lock the back door (yeah like that will stop them), and read something light for an hour afterwards before even attempting sleep. And my husband was home, mental.

It was totally awesome though, and did get me thinking about what it is that makes a movie crazy scary.

Obviously the experience is different for everyone and depends on what you believe. For example, if you don't believe in aliens, then films with extraterrestrials aren't going to register any scare factor. But if you do, well...you may not sleep again.

It also comes down to really good direction, storyline, acting, props and music - without that chances are it's not even going to raise one goose pimple.

So how can you tell if it's really, really scary? Well, I reckon these are the telltale signs as to whether a movie's rattled your sphincter or not:

1. You jump in fright at least five times and/or let out a scream
2. You really want to, or do in fact, close your eyes at some point
3. At various times all your body hair stands on end
4. You get up during the film to check the doors are locked
5. Afterwards you have trouble sleeping or have to sleep with the light on, and are too scared to get up to use the bathroom
6. You have nightmares about the movie for the next few days or week
7. Since watching the movie you don't do something you used to do (like night swimming at the beach after Jaws came out)
8. Months or even years later, if something from the movie pops into your head late at night you can't sleep and just lie there praying for morning

You know the type of movie - we've all got at least one stained forever into our memories, even if you think you're a hard nut.

So which movies are the scariest? After thinking about the above criteria I've worked out my personal shit list - i.e. the movies that made me want to crap my pants.

But before I go into that let's be clear on one important rule: scary movies must be watched only at night, with the lights off and the sound up, and with minimal interruptions. If you're not doing that, then you're not watching them properly and I don't want to know you.

Ok, here's my top five and what exactly it is that makes them so scary (be warned, some spoilers ahead if you haven't had the pleasure of watching these yet):

1. Communion (1989)
Here it is - the first alien movie to scare the bejeezus out of me. The scariest thing about this is not Christopher Walken, it's the fact it's based on a 'true' story from a dude who wrote a book about his abduction experience with others to back it up. The bit where the kid talks about the Blue Doctors is the worst.

2. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
I know what you're thinking, lame. Not lame! When this sucker came out it was TERRIFYING. The shaky handy cam filming style was new back then and camping became the most dreaded leisure activity of all time. That scene at the end where the guy is just standing in the corner of the house facing the wall is outrageous.

3. The Descent (2005)
I'm not normally so scared by humanoid monsters that aren't of the vampire/werewolf/zombie variety, but this flick breaks the mould. In fact, the first half of the movie is scary all by itself just by having a bunch of people stuck down some underground caves, but it really heats up when they realise they're not alone.

4. Paranormal Activity (2007)
I've got chills and they're multiplying just thinking about this movie. Believe the hype, this shit is scary! Ghostbusters this ain't, there is no escaping these evil spirits. Again with the self-recording film style, but it works so well. Best freak out moments are when we see the footage of her just standing there watching her boyfriend sleep, and also the bit where she finds the photo in the attic. Eeeeek!

5. Insidious (2010)
From the crazies that brought us Saw, this is so much better and shedloads more scary. As a parent, all the weird stuff happening on the baby monitor went straight to my freak-o-meter, but the story itself about a child who projects astrally into creepy worlds when he's asleep and gets stuck there, was so original and the key hair prickler for me. Oh, and the small dead child dancing in the room to old records. Fun!

What's the one movie which scared the living crap out of you?

photo credit: ginnerobot via photopin cc